let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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