dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
