I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
