what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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