When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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