She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
