i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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