I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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