Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
