It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
