Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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