I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
