So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
