drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
