no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
