tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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