How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
