its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am available for nakedness
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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