The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
