you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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