in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
