I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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