things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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