after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize