peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
