I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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