I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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