she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
