Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
