before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
