I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
