The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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