phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
