My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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