the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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