i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
