I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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