I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
