he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
