I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
