Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
