I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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