Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
