So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Damn victory sex feels great
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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