You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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