i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
