You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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