Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize