the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
