She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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