i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
