When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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