you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
