Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
