I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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