I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
