yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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