I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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