Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
