RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
