I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
