Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
zippers are such a cool invention
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize