He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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