i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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