I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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