i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
