Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Did it finish?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"

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(319): View more from Iowa

I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.

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(315): View more from New York

Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk

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