I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
