I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
